"Brave Girls Soul Restoration-What it has mean't to Me"

Brave Girls are having a contest for the very first online "Soul Restoration Class" graduates. In this contest you share through writing, directly or on your blog about the experience..I wonder if that is even possible?

What is in my heart..what the class mean't to me, what I learned, and finally, to share some of my work..so here goes..and thank you to those that have seen this work before, but might just see something different than before..

So what I am basically going to do is show all of my work in order and then finish up by writing what it has mean't to me and for me to have received the gift of "Soul Restoration" in my life.

First Project

I love to write, as everyone might have concluded by now, as well as create! Understandably there couldn't have been a more perfect first project for me..the class provides you with a wide range of journaling prompts weekly. All you then need to do, is select those that most speak to your heart in that moment, cut them out, write, design and create your page or pages. However your little heart desires, and then continue on, as often as you feel with this project throughout the duration of the class...won't be showing the actual pages, as of course, simply said, journaling is a quite personal undertaking...but here are a couple of pictures I took of the book cover I made..I find the finished cover to be quite pretty yet simple, rather my style!!...it is difficult to notice in the picture that the background paper is a beautiful shade of Robin's Egg Blue with a grid pattern and some pale vintage grey and black patterns..the pictures do not do this paper justice...simply lovely, I will definitely be ordering more ..I handmade the flowers and attached together with metal and epoxy brads, which actually have a very 50's old fashioned feel about them...and of course B&W polka dot ribbon..gotta have the polka dots, well either that or white stitching lines!!

The particular journaling prompts I chose to summarize what this actual journal already means to me are these:

"You have ALWAYS had the power, the ability and means."

"Trust that everything is just as it is meant to be."

"You are absolutely worth it."

"You are valuable and you have so much to offer"

"You matter in more ways than you know. You always have, and you always will."

"You are and always will be amazing.  Keep going. You are making a difference."

"Keep going....NEVER NEVER NEVER QUIT."

"You are more loved than you will ever know."

"Keep on being the real, unique and wonderful YOU. You are such a special gift to this world."

"Trust your heart, its telling you the Truth."

It actually took me a little time to pick out the journaling prompts that I wanted to represent me in this journaling journey, admittedly it was difficult for me..

Now on to my other projects throughout, although I am far from completing everything...I think that will be ongoing for me for some time to come...thankfully...I never truly want to let go of this experience....ever!

 "Closed For Restoration"

My Broken down, faded, in need of repair "HOUSE"

"Some of My Journal pages"

"A Couple pages from my Timeline"

And last but not least..not my completely RESTORED HOUSE..but its on its way..I did this one on canvas and it is hanging in a very special place in my little studio...

In order for me to even begin to describe what Brave Girls and Soul Restoration has mean't to me, let me begin by telling you a little piece of my story beginning on July 18, 2008..no need to go back to the very dark days of my childhood as there really is no point right now...but in order to offer a little insight into where I have been in the last few years, how far I have come, and how bright the light at the end of the tunnel looks to me after this experience!!

July 18th, 2008

The days leading up to that day were a fog...listening to all those around me, but not really hearing.  Things looked different through my eyes...surreal...somewhat like I was watching someone else's life through my eyes. So scary, I trembled ever so slightly and I knew that something was happening to me...

The day before, I remember hearing my closest friend at work describe to another, what I used to be like, how I used to look, dress, how bubbly & spunky I was. I started to cry, yearning for her, yet feeling she was gone.

We were split apart, a different me was now here in a new body, an impostor..

or..maybe the real me trying to get out, be heard, needing help...needing to be saved!

July 18th, 2008 changed my life as I knew it, forever...I would truly never be the same...I fell with only what could be described as a huge thud, face first, to the bottom of a monstrous  black pit.  So deep, only time, courage and determination would serve as a guide to finding my way out..

Darkness engulfed and I was ALONE...in a place I didn't recognize, a scary place surrounded by walls so steep I could but only see a trickle of light far, far above.

I could hear nothing but the sound of my heart beating and the quiet whispers of my own breath.

I tasted only salt as the tears began to streak my face, finding their way down my face, across my lips, falling beyond into the darkness.

Can anybody see me?

Does anyone know where I am?

This place...I don't recognize it...where am I?

I need to wake up..wake up...wake up!!!!

Closing my eyes to escape these unknown surroundings, to hide inside, to gather any, even if tiny, little glimpse of the familiar me...

and so the journey began..

It has been 2 years, 8 months, 10 days, 6 hours and 16 mins since that day..

I know those exact numbers and relish them...

I have climbed the largest rope ladder out of that dark place, and I remember every step in detail..every step towards the light...every breath towards the fresh air..

and it has been the hardest thing I have ever done..

I faced all the fears, even the ones I thought would certainly break me, the ropes of myself, for good...but they didn't..

I lifted one foot at a time, set it down and raised the other...

I never gave up, even with a bottle of pills in my hand and little hope, I cried out in pain, in sorrow, in aloneness...

And then peace...it came as a whisper..it engulfed my soul, it eased my breath, it lifted the weight..it embraced me, enveloped me..

The voice said "And Lo I Am With You Always"

I folded and started to release, unburden..

God was with me, he was real, he was there..I am not alone, he see's me..

There is no way to put into words what that night on my bathroom floor, huddled in the corner, feeling the only way to escape was a bottle of pills, was like..how it changed me..

no way to describe the hope I felt at that moment, knowing there was something so much greater than anything I had ever known..and that something found me alone in the dark and thought I was worthy of saving...

I Am not who I used to be, I have come so far...I am a girl that made her way through, with the help of a very special family, a very special Sweet Mama, a wonderful Dr and mostly, with the tremendous dedication and love of a very special therapist and her name is Michelle...

She escorted me, never leaving my side for even the briefest instant, through all of the dark, through all of the quicksand, through all of the doubts, the tears, the fears...to a place of celebration...a place of light, a place of strength, a place of joy...A PLACE OF PEACE!!!

And on the heals of 2+ years of very hard work I was given a quiet little gift on Christmas morning, by a very loving family that has seen me through..it was the gift of Melody and Kathy and "Brave Girls Soul Restoration"

It came to me at the perfect time..I was up to it, I was ready..I had come so far..in a place where fear did not rule, and courage is not something I once yearned for!

Not anymore!

Along with everything I have experienced that has brought me to this place of peace, I learned quickly that there are still mountains to climb, songs to sing, words to write, art to make...I am new, I am restoring, I am grateful..

I love you both, your vision, your gifts, more than you will ever know...

Please forgive me for there are no words...my hope is that you feel my heart in my words..

Lovingly and with Blessings

Valerie