Thursday, May 12, 2011

"Sadness rears its ugly head"

When I finally sat down at my desk this morning I opened up my e-mail and my "Brave Girls Daily Truth" and Melody Ross had written a blog entitled "You do not have to Prove Anything"..
It hit hard in my heart...I wish that was true, for me at least.  I feel as if I have been trying to prove myself worthy of love, worthy of consideration, worthy of thoughtfulness, worthy of kindness, for so long.
Its hard to try to please everyone.
To live up to others expectations..
To not ask for anything..
To do things just right, to tip toe, to mold for different peoples expectations so that you will stay in their good that you will be loved, accepted just as you matter how hard or inconvenient it might be to others..
To feel others dislike floating in the air and you don't know what you did.. 
To fight the demons of self doubt is exhausting..
To be alone, even when others are around is sadness...

But I will keep fighting those demons...I always have...
Sometimes I am tired...

A poem by the incredible Melody Ross..

I Made You
(a poem by melody ross)
I took a stroll and then a walk
A thought at first and then a talk
I said ‘just look how fast I go”
If you watch someday you’ll know.

I walked with blisters, couldn’t quit
No rest, no strength but not there yet
I knew there was so much to learn
So much to do, His love to earn.
I picked up speed and started to run,
I raised my eyes and spoke at the sun,
You see! I’m worth it, look at me!
If I do enough, someday you’ll see.
Look, I said, I’m climbing now!
I’ll keep it up and prove somehow,
That I’m a good one, you will see,
Someday you’ll be so proud of me.
I got so tired but couldn’t stop
I had to race right to the top,
It couldn’t be so far, I knew
I had to show what I could do
Things so bleak, a trail so rough
Wanting to prove that I was enough
Beaten down and cold and shot
But, what if I waste this chance I’ve got?

I climbed, then crawled when I couldn’t walk
A thought at first and then a talk
I’ll climb until I reach the top
When I get there can I finally stop?

Who told you that you had to climb?
Who told you that you weren’t just fine?
Who told you that it must be earned?
There’s so much that you need to learn.
I loved you when you strolled and thought
You’ve always had the things you’ve sought
There’s nothing that you have to do
To prove to Me…for I Made You.
I know what you can do, you see
Just do your best and breathe and be
And stop the proving just to show
For these are things I already know.
Walk if you want and run if you choose
Climb if you must, you’ve got nothing to lose
But do it for joy , rest along the way
If you need answers, just kneel and pray
Do your best and know what’s real
Stop climbing when you can not feel
And turn and look into the sky
And watch the birds and how they fly
And know that every part of you
Was created with all that’s good and true
There’s nothing that you have to do,
To prove to Me, for I Made You.

Thank you  Melody from the deepest part of my heart

And thanks be to God, for he knows who I am...
He made me for this life and knows my struggles..
I will not forget that he is beside me, even when others in their humanity bring sadness.


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