"What a Disaster in the Midst of Ideas Galore"

I awoke this morning with the realization that I have 2, count them 2 whole days off...time to devote to a little nest tidying..with a little creative fun thrown in for good measure..

But first I have to deal with this..and feel free to go ahead and judge me...I admit it, when ideas are swirling about in my head I tend to throw things about and create not only my art but a re-decorating of sorts in my special little place in the world...having said that, this is what I am faced with...

This used to be a closet and an organized one of sorts...eeeekkkk!

Since when is the floor an additional space to make a mess..well basically since there are no other spaces left to mess...

I don't even know what to say..

E-gads...how do I even find anything? But amazingly I do..

Now this little part isn't quite so bad, I think I will start there...

But this...????

Another floor storage area...

So off I go...

But there is also a story here..

Not only will I be setting off to de-clutter this space in an attempt to have a more functional, organized working and creating space...but I have to be able to fit a queen size blow up bed in this space as well..

You see..

Of late my Mr and I have adopted the habit of snoring to the umpf degree..

He in the beginning of sleep, me at the 3-4 am time..

Needless to say we have not been having very restful rest times of late and we are getting to darn old to take to the sofa on any kind of a continued basis...

Since our children are no longer children and the married one obviously living elsewhere and the recently returned son inhabiting the whole downstairs space my Mr. and I took over their former claimed rooms and converted them into our little places in the world, not allowing for extra sleeping arrangements...

Who knew that as we aged we would cause sleepless nights for each other...

So off I go with my 2 goals in mind..

Less mess and a place to snore in peace..

Happy Sunday to all..

Me

"Do you have to stand outside and yell...REALLY?"

OMG...

Today I started my beautiful peaceful morning by yet again hearing the lunatic neighbor behind me screaming at the top of her lungs my other neighbors name...

So I wake up the sun shining in that early morning way that is just so darn pretty, the birds were singing, a slight cool (but not to cool) breeze in the air...

With coffee in hand I head out to my serene patio space, sit myself down at my picnic table, covered so lovingly by a quilt I made for my son when he was young boy, start to reach for the current book I am reading.."Change your Thoughts, Change your Life" by Dr. Wayne Dyer...a study of the lesson of the Tao..how ironic..

Can you picture it?

Heres a little more...

My backyard is parklike with tons of trees and overgrown deciduous bushes...so many shades of lovely green in the morning sun...the leaves twist slowly in the breeze, the birds are lining up on tree limbs about, waiting for their turn at the ever popular bird feeder...

AND THEN IT STARTS!!!

The lunatic neighbor behind starts screaming...now this is not a scream like she needs me to call 911...

This is the screaming of a lady that is pissed off because our other neighbors young dog has found a way over the fence into her yard...

Now I realize that some of us humans do not take so easily to others canine friends, but REALLY?????

Sara is the pups name and she is a total doll!  A medium size dog, a mix of some sort probably lab and a little pit bull...rescued by our loving other neighbors from a local shelter..

Now this isn't exactly what she looks like, but kinda close...anyway..

She is so smart, sweet and kind..

But she is a curious girl and I am sure that backyard over there with two other canine friends was just to darn appealing, so she climbed and jumped..

Why would someone approach something such as this by standing at 7:15 in the am in the middle of her yard doing nothing but screaming someone's name 20-30 times at the top of her lungs...

So here I am just sitting staring at the open book, my hand still grasping my coffee mug and first I try to see the humor in it..but not for long...I quickly morphed into this...

Well except with pajamas and my husbands robe on...my best morning look no doubt..

I couldn't take it anymore...I stood up, started to walk towards the back of my yard and yelled, not to nicely I admit..

"Can I help you?"

to which she replied

"VALERIE THIS STUPID LITTLE DOG OF BERN'S (our neighbor's name)

IS IN MY FENCE...YOU NEED TO TELL HIM TO GET THIS DOG OUT OF HERE AND BUILD A BIGGER FENCE!!!!"

Ok now, just for a moment, use your imagination and wonder at all the possible ways I might in my now trashed serenity respond...

Well.......

I took a deep breath and said

"FIRST OF ALL QUIT YELLING, AFTER THE FIRST 5 OR SO SCREAMS WASN'T THAT A CLUE THAT MAYBE NO ONE WAS HOME?...SECONDLY QUIT YELLING AT ME AND LASTLY TELL HIM WHATEVER YOU WANT TO TELL HIM YOURSELF. BUT RATHER THAN STAND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOU I WILL WALK AROUND AND GET HER AND BRING HER BACK HOME...MIGHT YOU HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT YOURSELF INSTEAD OF DISTURBING THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD?"

Dead Silence...I almost started laughing..

Now this woman is not an elderly woman, she is late 40's to early 50's and quite healthy..

BUT A RAGING LUNATIC...

So off I go in my jammies, husbands robe, hair standing on end from sleep and I am sure a scowl of mondo proportions on my face...

Arriving at her dwelling, not too happy to say the least, I find her throwing dog treats about her front yard in an effort to get sweet Sara the Pup out of her backyard...

Sara spots me and comes running for rescue...leans against my legs for a pet and looks at me as if to say "GET ME OTTA HERE"...

The lunatic starts to say something..honestly I don't even know what..

We both stop for just a moment, turn to look at the lunatic as we begin to walk away and all I can think to say is

"I would rather you just say THANK YOU!!"

I looked down at Sara, she looked up at me with those darling puppy eyes and I think in that moment we made a very special bond..The pup and the rescue lady...

I can live with that...better than I can live with the screaming lunatic!!!

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL PEACEFUL DAY AND MAY THERE BE NO LUNATIC'S IN YOUR PATH...

Me

"What a Wonderful World"

I woke up this morning to a cool, sunshiney summer morning..

The last couple of days have been just slightly cooler than of late, with cooler mornings...rather fallish in nature and the flowers are taking on a new life in my front yard garden...

I absolutely adore the time of late summer when although the days may get on the heated side, the nights and mornings are slightly cool..it seems to breathe new life into everything that grows, including me..

I didn't have quite enough time to do some picture taking this morning, but found this picture of the Palouse area close to where I live and it is amazingly gorgeous on so many levels...Enjoy!!

I am blessed to reside in a place surrounded by incredibly beautiful farm lands and also surrounded by so many lakes of all sizes and shapes...

I am thinking this photograph is inspiring me to do a mixed media canvas...hmmm...!!!!

Have a most lovely day full of blessings you are able to see with your eyes wide open...

Me

"Remembering My Daddy"

Sorry Mama if this makes you cry...made me cry to...I miss him still, always will, he was the best!!

"A Beautiful Way to Begin"

In our gardens, sunshine peaking through and highlighting the most beautiful of sights...

Coffee in hand, brain beginning to awaken, sleep making its way from my eyes, I gaze out upon our outdoor surroundings and say a prayer of thanks!

Life is Good...it is really good!

Me

"ADDICTION"

"To Coin A Phrase"

"In The Still Of The Night"

I lay upon the soft sheets, freshly laundered,

in thought of many things yet little.

Most prevalent on my mind is the day behind.

One more conglomeration of moments lived with no aid of medication.

many moments without notice, others a battle of mind and body.

I have been medicated for years..used to seeing life the way the pills have chosen me to see..

Pills which altered natural chemicals in my brain for the supposed good.

I have conversation with myself as to whether I have become the definition of those  chemicals, those pills and if so, is this person, the person who used to hold the glass of water and bottles each morning, is that person who I was mean't to be or become after all the pain, all the survival techniques..or am I now, after 10 days without, a new version of self?

Will this self be better for it?

Or is this another self to get used to.

I desire to know...I have faced the demons and sent them on their way..

I feel strong, enlightened, valid...Or do I really? Is it or was it an illusion.

Its frightening, honestly.

I am sure not to far removed from facing life without the veil of any addiction..

My husband's theory is that pharmaceuticals for the mind are not that far removed from any reality deferring method we may choose...as a disclaimer I don't believe he is talking about severe illnesses such as schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder and such..

However he does have a point to be heard...we do become dependent regardless. Whether we find our method at a pharmacy, in the beer and wine aisle of the grocery store, in the myriad of liquor bottles so neatly displayed in the liquor store or on a scary street corner.

He called me a "drug addict"...not said with hatred or disdain...but said in truth..his truth for me.  He never liked that physicians tended to start writing on their prescription pads before anything else..he never bought into it for me, refused to support their choice..

And after 10 days of withdrawals I hear his voice, his opinion.

It doesn't seem like such a stretch now.

Its hard, but then it was hard before and I know hard. I embrace hard, I don't shy away.

But it is frightening, I got used to the numbness, the steadiness..

I can handle the bouts of dizziness and nausea..

I can handle the adrenaline rushes...the stomach problems...the shakes..

What feels more difficult is the experiencing of emotions that I am not used to.

The questioning inside..does this place feel better than the numb place?

Things look different, I look different to myself, I feel outside of myself..

The Dr says that is takes approximately 24 days for the chemicals to be out of your body and it will get better..

Is that true or their best guesstamation?

I have to remember I WANTED THIS!

So here I am again, in that all too familiar place..."one step at a time"

For all those that have known and stood by someone with any kind of mental illness...I thank you from the bottom of my heart, I salute you...we are: misunderstood, alienated, shied away from, scared of...please know we are in here, in our bodies, in our minds, fighting the good fight, wanting to be heard, needing to be loved regardless.

I know from the outside it is difficult...but nothing like our insides!!!

Tim, my friend, our friend for many years, I hope you read this...the ear of listening that you shared recently with a lost soul of a man was a gift...a gift of love and validity and humanity... you are an the epitome of

"human kindness and compassion" by definition..

that man is forever changed by your gift...the gift of being heard, truly heard!

Before I end you must know...!!! I am a fighter, I am a survivor and I will prevail..

I have chosen this fight, I have chosen to move forward living without and it will be that choice that will drive me on...but having said that, it is always easier knowing whether you turn your head to the right or the left, forward or behind there will be soldiers marching right beside you..whether seen or unseen...!!!

After all, a fighter always has those guys in the corner with the chair, the towels to wipe the sweat and the one who tapes the wounds up...!!!

Me..